dyism wk of 5.23.2011

3 months ago I woke up and thought something was fatally wrong. There was a lump on my wrist and it hurt when I repeatedly circled my hand - and I told myself it was probably cancer. Now, I know it's not normal to circle your hand repeatedly or assume you have cancer, but I did. I obsessed about if for days on end. I woke up nightly to see if it was larger and I finally decided to call the doctor after lightly mentioning "a lump" to my mum. I did research on web MD, consulted with my med school sister in law, and they both told me the same thing the doctor did. I insisted on tests and they found nothing. That friggin lump was temporary and caused by undue stress from a workout.

Right before the test results I mentioned it to the guy I was dating and to a friend at a festival. They'll never understand how difficult it was to open up, but more importantly how much I trust them. I have a habit of not sharing everything with people because I don't want to be hurt. This allows me to shield myself inside a personal bubble. I talked to another friend this week and he told me I give him the best advice, even when it's not what he wants to hear. I digested that information and realized it's because I trust that he will either take or leave my advice without harboring any feelings. So many people don't do that, so I keep many thoughts to myself.

We can't tiptoe around life or the situations that are presented. The good, the bad, and the ugly exist - how we triumph is the story of our lives. Somewhere out there this makes sense to someone. I'm growing to respect and understand that everyone will not appreciate, love, or tolerate who we are individually. And that's okay, as long as we strive to be decent beings.

dyism:

Cancer is an obstacle, not a death sentence when it comes to living your life.